It's my body telling me I don't have the courage to move on without them.
Every scar throbs, as if from only moments ago, scars long healed. The newest months ago.
Where did my determination to live this better life go?
My mind turns to thoughts of yesterdays times. I believed giving up was easier, but it's so much harder. I can't live this life lying to myself. But if I tell my truth, will I be lying?
Every tissue hurts from my toes to my brain and every scar in between.
It's almost father's day and I am afraid. I wish I was closer to him. Through almost no fault of his own I have distanced myself. Afraid of a rejection after so much support. It's almost father's day and I'll keep living this lie for probably many father's days to come. My courage seems dried up. I'm a scared child huddled in the corner. Gender binaries never seemed an issue until now, but I wasn't paying attention. Moving one day to the next. Trying to survive.
Scars remind me I'm alive, that I can beat it again. Scars remind me that I'm scared, that I've slipped up before.
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